i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
