this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
