Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
