Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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