If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize