Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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