gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
