I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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