My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
