Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize