I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize