I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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