Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
