someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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