How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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