Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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