So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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