I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
There r osticjed everywhere
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
