I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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