just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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