4 words: hood of his car
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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