Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
