You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
