Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
