Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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