don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
