So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
