he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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