This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
