I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
She even gives head with a lisp.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
