I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
