Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Use "feeling words"
Yay
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize