I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
