please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
