I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
