So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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