I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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