My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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