I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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