i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
