Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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