Tell her she can't have a vagina
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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