next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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