god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
