I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
