i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
