just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
