My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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