i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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