He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
