Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
