I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
