I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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