i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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