My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
