I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
