new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
