Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
