Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
