No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
