Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
