oh fat girl friday strikes again...
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
