dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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