My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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